This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
