I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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