i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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