Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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