waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
