I'd wear matching sweaters with you
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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