Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
