I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
