I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Green mimosas i think yes
It's never too late to be topless.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
