Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
