me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
