he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
