Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
