Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
