man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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