that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
