I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
