I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
They took my balls.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
