erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
now i know why i became what i already was.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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