is your mom at the bar?
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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