i permit you to call me
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
