Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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