the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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