He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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