It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
