I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
