It's Friday. Sex?
she looked like the before picture.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
