hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
