Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
