quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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