I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
