She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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