At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
