What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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