so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
