I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
