Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
