a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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