She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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