I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
