I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
