Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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