i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
