I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
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