I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
