Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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