I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
