there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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