i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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