god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
