i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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