I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
