Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
